


put your dukes up, baby put your dukes up

by aniloquent



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Love/Hate, M/M, Niall is super nervous like all the time in this one sorry, Rivalry, didn't mean to write him that antsy, everyone knows Niall, fall/autumn, pumpkin patch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 23:31:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aniloquent/pseuds/aniloquent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m going to kick your ass at this pumpkin carving contest, Curly,” Louis prophesizes, standing to his feet.</p><p>Louis feels the pumpkin yanked from his grip. “Lovely,” the stranger drawls, smirking down at Louis. “I’ll use this pumpkin to do so. C’mon, Li.” Louis glares holes into the duo’s back as they retreat to the other end of the patch.</p><p>Louis snatches a random pumpkin from the ground, muttering curses about boot-loving fucks when he hear the stranger call for him again.</p><p>“By the way, pumpkins are fruits, emphasizing the word ‘vegetable’ doesn’t make it anymore of one. Look it up.”</p><p>-</p><p>Based off of the twitter AU prompt "I'm going to fucking destroy you at the pumpkin carving contest, so don't even try."</p>
            </blockquote>





	put your dukes up, baby put your dukes up

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in kind of an uploading frenzy this month but hey! Not necessarily a bad thing, right? This is sort of rushed because I wanted to crank out this fic before pumpkin au's died for good and didn't make another appearance until 2016 because this idea is really cute. I know I didn't do it justice. Oh well. Anyways, expect both individual fics and additions to my "Don't Wanna Fight" tour!larry series (which you should definitely check out). ALSO: I don't just write larry, it's just that all of my uploads have been them lately, but another beloved ship is coming very soon ;) Enjoy!

Louis really hates fall. All of it.

He hate how it’s cold in the mornings but hot in the afternoon, shivering in his jumper leaving the house and sweating under it on the way back. He hates the specialty dishes that leave his kitchen smelling the worst kind of spicy and sweet, cinnamon tickling his nose and making it itch. He hates the dramatic natural color palette change, the summer’s bright blues and lush greens shut out by fiery reds and dull oranges.

Most of all, though, he hates the pumpkin patch.

Louis grimaces as he and Zayn’s shoes start hitting straw instead of gravel. “This is the place of one thousand suffering souls and fifty torturous eternities.” he breathes, looking around at the young children toddling around and parents struggling to carry pumpkins stumbling after them. He flinches at the loud laughs and screams that accompany the hay ride coming to an end.

Zayn snorts. “Give it a rest, DiCaprio. You did this to yourself, childish git.”

“It’s not my fault!” Louis whines, stomping his foot. Zayn raises his eyebrows, and Louis pointedly ignores him. “Why couldn’t mum pick Lottie to do it? I’m a grown ass man with grown ass man duties.”

Zayn gives him a skeptic look at they approach the plethora of pumpkins of various shapes and sizes. “You threw a tantrum when she asked you to bake cookies.” Louis opens his mouth to protest, but Zayn’s spindly fingers wrap around his bicep and squeeze in urgency. “ _Cookies_.”

Louis grunted, surveying the pick of orange fruits around him, refusing to meet Zayn’s amused amber stare. “She didn’t ask me to bake cookies, she demanded that I ‘get off my arse and find a man to bake cookies for.’ Totally different things.”

Zayn nudges a pumpkin with the toe of his heavy leather boot. “She has a point, Lou.” He offers a sheepish smile to an employee glaring at the slight dent he leaves in the pumpkin, who goes red in the face, before turning back to Louis. “And you kind of snapped at her, so I guess it’s only fair that you get to do the most gruelling autumn task. Besides, she gave you too much money for a pumpkin anyways.” he points Louis’ attention to the worn wooden sign near them, dull white and blue paint, seemingly chipping away with every gust of wind. “Anything over eight kilos is a tenner, and you’ve got, like, forty quid. We could get something to eat after.” Zayn shrugs. “Or weed.”

Louis stares blankly at Zayn. “Why do you do that?”

Zayn gives him a face. “Do what?”

Louis gestures vague around Zayn’s face. “Eyelashes. Cheekbones. Wooing people with your other worldly beauty and surprisingly logical thinking. It’s very annoying.” They continue to step around pumpkins for around five minutes before Louis groans loudly, attracting looks. “Zayn, I hate this.”

“Louis, we’ve been here for ten seconds.”

-

“Liam, I love this!”

“Haz, we’ve been here for ten seconds.”

Liam struggles to keep up with Harry, who’s grinning and aweing at every other orange sphere he sees. He runs into Harry’s back when the lanky boy suddenly stops. Liam tries to fight down the curse on his tongue.

His ass lands on Liam’s crotch in a way to obscene for the little girl three pumpkins away from them as Harry bends down. Liam steps away, cheeks flaming. “Aw, Li, look at this one!” Harry breathes excitedly as he straightens, cradling a small pumpkin in the palm of his hand. He hugs it close to his chest, and Liam wonders how Harry is possibly twenty-three years old. “It’s so tiny and cute. Bless.” Liam frowns as Harry unceremoniously puts it back down.

“What was wrong with that one?” Liam demands. Harry gives him a look, as if he’s offended Liam would even dare to ask that.

“Liam, that wasn’t the pumpkin.” Harry steps forward, leaning his forehead against Liam’s and holding his face in his massive hands. “That was a pumpkin. A cute one, yes, but not _the_ pumpkin.” Liam pushes Harry away.

“Remind me why we’re doing this instead of doing something cool, like clubbing or working out?” Liam sighs, watching Harry scrutinize yet another group of pumpkins. Harry looks up to give Liam an ugly face before looking back down.

“Liam,” Harry sighs back, shaking his head. “I have to find the perfect pumpkin for this recipe. You know that. And the best ones are the fresh ones.”

Liam sighs. “Fine, fine.”

-

Louis crouches down by the pumpkin at the same time someone else does, and he’s irritated as their fingers brush over his. He’s pretty sure touching someone else’s designated pumpkin is breaking some kind of moral law code.

He looks up, ready to snap at whoever is invading his space, and - _oh_.

Louis is staring - gazing, actually - into bright green eyes that are shifting over his own face in what Louis recognizes is attraction. He grins, and the stranger returns the smile sheepishly, raking obscenely long fingers through velvety, lengthy curls.

“Oops,” the boy laughs nervously, not moving his hands from the pumpkin.

“Hi,” Louis says back hesitantly, sounding as transfixed as Harry. Neither one moves for a moment, and Zayn lets out a loud sigh and rolls his eyes, muttering something about this not being a “bleeding Nicholas Sparks movie, for fuck’s sake.” Louis makes a mental note to hit him in the balls later.

“Quite a nice pumpkin, huh?” Louis tries after what feels like an eternity of staring into jade eyes.

The stranger sits back on his heels (literal heels - his boots are ridiculous) and nods, nimble fingers starting to coil on top of Louis around the pumpkin. Louis frowns as he feels a slight tug. “Yeah, it’ll make a great casserole.”

Louis is so shocked he snatches the pumpkin back to his chest, and the stranger lets out an offended gasp. The puppy-looking lad standing above them with Zayn winces.

“You were going to use this beautiful, nubile - “ Zayn lets out a disapproving grunt, kicking Louis lightly in the back at his word choice. “vegetable for culinary gains? Atrocious.”

Curly, as Louis has come to call him, is looking at him warily, glancing down at the pumpkin he’s clutching every so often. “Um, yeah? What were you going to use it for?"

Louis puts his nose up in the air haughtily, and the stranger rolls his eyes. “What pumpkins should be used for: carving and decoration.”

The stranger gives him a flat look. “It’s a fruit, meaning it’s edible, so why would it only be used as decoration only?”

Louis sneers at his condescending tone. “Who honestly cooks with _vegetables_ like pumpkins anyways? Are you fucking Martha Stewart?”

The short-haired brunette laughed behind them. “He’d have to be straight to do that.” Both Louis and Harry glare at him. “Sorry.”

Zayn giggles - fucking giggles, the girly git - from above Louis, who lets out an annoyed huff. “I thought it was funny."

“No you don’t, Zayn, you just want to bone him.” Louis feels Zayn drag a middle finger across his head, but he keeps his eyes on Curly, who’s looking back at him with the same irritation Louis feels. “I’m taking this pumpkin.”

Curly leans forward to grab at it, and Louis pointedly ignores how his heart races when he gets a whiff of the boy’s cologne. “No, you’re not, mate.”

Louis bites at his hands, and the stranger stumbles back, bewildered. “Fight me for it.”

They glare at each other until a loud, crackly screech booms over the speakers spaced out around the field. “Last call for contestants that want to participate in the pumpkin carving contest!” a voice announces excitedly.

It seems that Louis and his enemy have the same idea, because they both narrow their eyes. “I’m going to kick your ass at this pumpkin carving contest, Curly,” Louis prophesizes, standing to his feet. Curly rises, a good few inches above him, and Louis silently thanks God that he didn’t pick a fight. On second thought, though, he could probably take this guy. He was skinnier than Louis, and Louis could easily pull his hair and kick his legs out if need be. He would just need to ensure that the guy’s buff, personal trainer puppy friend wouldn’t intervene, because he would totally sling Louis around like the Hulk did to Loki -

Louis is rudely interrupted from his thoughts when he feels the pumpkin yanked from his grip. “Lovely,” the stranger drawls, smirking down at Louis. “I’ll use this pumpkin to do so. C’mon, Li.” Louis glares holes into the duo’s back as they retreat to the other end of the patch.

Louis snatches a random pumpkin from the ground, muttering curses about boot-loving fucks when he hear the stranger call for him again.

“By the way, pumpkins are _fruits_ , emphasizing the word ‘vegetable’ doesn’t make it anymore of one. Look it up.”

-

Zayn is reading the paragraph Google has provided for pumpkin classification as Louis meanders to an open spot in the field, slamming the fruit on the ground.

“Alright, Zayner,” Louis says, looking down at the pumpkin between his and Zayn’s feet proudly. “Have you thought of a design?” Zayn scrunches his eyebrows.

“What?”

“For the pumpkin, babe,” Zayn still sends him a blank stare. Louis frowns. “You’re carving it.”

Zayn laughs, hard, and Louis starts to laugh, too, because Zayn has a ridiculous, dorky laugh. Tears are forming in his eyes when Zayn cuts off his own giggles and levels Louis with a look. “No.”

Louis scowls. “Why the fuck not?”

“Louis, the pumpkin is in your name, first of all, so if anyone sees me touching it, we’ll get disqualified, and you know you’re too prideful to lose like that.” Louis returns the glare the curly-haired jerk sends him across the patch. Zayn turns to face the opposing pair, a small smile playing on his face. “Besides,” he says softly, staring at Curly’s friend. Louis scoffs. “I’m a professional, and it wouldn’t be fair.”

Louis shoves Zayn and sits down on the ground. “Since when the fuck do you care about fair? How many math professors did you fuck in uni?” Zayn sends Louis a middle finger. “I can’t believe you’re choosing dick over your best friend.”

“Who is a dick, so it’s dick for dick. Seems like a fair trade to me.”

Louis groans and stares at his pumpkin helplessly. “Zayn, you know I can’t do anything artistic for shit.” His friend shrugs, and Louis kicks at his leg. “Fine, fine. Go flirt with the flannel puppy, but at least make yourself useful and do a bit of spying, yeah?”

Zayn bends down to press a quick kiss on Louis’ cheek and scurries off, leaving Louis to stab into his pumpkin and kick himself for not thinking this through.

-

“Haz?” Liam starts uncertainly, watching Harry set up his area with a worried frown. Harry grunts out his concern, not paying full attention to his friend. “I don’t think you thought this through.” Harry turns to Liam with a confused (and slightly offended) face. “Remember Halloween two years ago? When me and Gemma had to rush you to the emergency room because you cut your finger open?”

Harry feels his cheeks heat up, and he runs a hand down his face. “The stem was really sharp!”

Liam gives him a skeptic look. “I’d already cut it off.”

Harry sits down and starts plotting out the design he wants to cut out with a marker, cursing under his breath as it starts to ink up his hands. “Are you going to help me or not?”

“No one can touch the pumpkin but you, contest rules.” Liam cites dutifully, and Harry shakes his head. “Besides, don’t we usually do this at home? You don’t even carve the pumpkins, mate.”

Harry sighs at his outline dejectedly. It’ll have to do. “I know, but I can’t let that asshole over there,” he jerks his head at the short boy across the field viciously attacking his poor pumpkin. “get away being a dick. No matter how cute he is.”

Liam raises his eyebrows and grins. “What was that, Harold?”

Harry presses his lips into a thin line and tries to focus on his potential masterpiece. “Erm, nothing.” He looks around Liam, a slow smile spreading on his face. “Your boy is making his way over here, Li.” Harry laughs at Liam’s face pales. “Quick, start flexing those biceps!”

Liam flicks him off just as Zayn approaches the pair. Harry smiles brightly at the handsome bloke, taking in his fidgety hands and bright hazel eyes. He’s perfect for Liam.

“Hi, uh, sorry for my mate Louis earlier,” Zayn offers to Harry shyly, glancing at Harry’s lovestruck friend. “He’s very competitive and very much an arse. I’m Zayn.”

By the look on his face, Liam doesn’t appear to be coming back to Earth anytime soon, so Harry speaks for the both of them. “I’m Harry. That’s Liam,” he says. “Cute guy. Nice arms. Big heart. Even bigger -”

“Harry!” Liam squeaks, hitting his shoulder. He smiles at Zayn sheepishly. “He’s kidding, by the way.”

Zayn grins wolfishly. “Shame, I was really looking forward to the last one being true.” Harry’s grin widens as Liam stutters a reply. “I was wondering if you wanted to go walk around with me while these two battle it out? Louis is being a bit unbearable at the moment.”

Liam shoots Harry a dirty look. “Yeah, same here, we can go get cider.”

Zayn sends Liam a smile, and Harry sighs. How cute. “Sick. By the way mate, what exactly are you drawing…?” He asks, trying to get a good look at Harry’s doodle. Harry spastically rushes to cover up the sketch, scowling at Zayn.

“Something way better than your dick friend Louis could ever dream of,” Harry snaps, shooing the pair away. “Leave me alone, go make out or something.” he sighs, shaking his head at the two. “Liam, when you come back, I would appreciate some intel about my competition, please.”

Liam gives him a quick salute before walking away with Zayn, bumping shoulders too often to be platonic.

-

The familiar drag of heavy black boots across straw snaps Louis out of thought and focus. Thoughts that definitely did not include slender thighs and big hands and wide green eyes, thank you very much.

“Zayn, stop being a useless twat and hold this part of the pumpkin, I need to get this circle right and it keeps fucking moving.” His request is met by silence, then a quiet “that wasn’t very nice” that he knows isn’t Zayn’s softer, higher voice. Louis looks up to find the asshole’s friend standing with Zayn. He scowls.

“What the fuck is that?” Louis demands, waving his knife at Liam threateningly. He puts his hands up and backs away slightly, before Zayn loops thin fingers around his wrists and pulls him forward. Louis raises his eyebrows at his friend when Zayn doesn’t immediately pull away and the stranger’s cheeks take on a ruddy hue.

“This is Liam, you unmannerable fuck. What the fuck is _that_?” Zayn accuses, pointing at Louis’ pumpkin. Liam stifles laughter next to him as Louis frowns at the progress before him.

“Zayn, don’t be rude,” Liam chides, and Louis almost vomits at the heart eyes Zayn gives him. “It’s a rather cute dog, mate.” Louis’ frown deepens.

“It’s a lion.” Zayn tilts his head and squints, opening his mouth to protest. “Get him out of here, Zayn!” Louis exclaims before they can make fun of his pumpkin any more. “I didn’t expect you to betray me like this and sleep with the enemy.” He feels his pride slowly piece together again as Zayn and Liam flush. “Liam, it was a pleasure to meet you, and I’m sure Zayn will tell me all about you later, but right now I need to focus on wiping the floor with your curly-haired cunt of a friend via pumpkin medium.”

Zayn rolls his eyes and stomps in the other direction, dragging Liam along. “C’mon, babe,” Louis smiles as Liam’s eyes widen. “Let’s leave the master to his craft.”

Louis huffs at the retreating couple. “Always trust Malik to stick his dick into something, Jesus,” he mutters, and starts on the mane of his lion.

“His name is Harry!” He hears Liam chirp from a short distance. He looks up to find chubby cheeks pushed up in a bright smile.

“What are you on about?” Louis calls, ignoring the scowls he’s getting from parents of small babies.

“My curly-haired cunt of a friend’s name is Harry, and I reckon he thinks you’re quite cute.” Liam grins before stumbling after an eager Zayn.

Louis rolls his eyes and goes back to his work, trying to push Liam’s words to the back of his head. He had to focus so that he could carve the best pumpkin possible and make sure everyone knew he was capable of beating that tall knob sat across the patch.

What everyone didn’t need to know, though, was how long that stupid smile stays on Louis face because Harry thinks he’s cute.

-

Louis sneers at the lean approaching figure fifteen minutes later. “You look slutty,” he snaps, taking in Zayn’s rumpled clothes, flushed skin, and cheeky grin.

“And you look ugly,” Zayn huffs, plopping down next to Louis. He runs a hand through his tousled hair and wipes a hand across moist, swollen lips. “What’s new?”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Did you see Curly’s pumpkin at any point during your rendezvous?” Zayn nods, taking out a cigarette. “And?”

He stares at Zayn in anticipation as the raven-haired fucker takes his sweet time lighting and huffing out a thick cloud of smoke. He shrugs as the last silvery tendrils leave his lips. “His name is Harry. It looks a lot like yours, actually,” Louis raises his eyebrows. “Pure shit. Honestly, neither one of you are going to win this thing, Lou.” Louis grumbles and stabs into his pumpkin. “You should just give up and ask him out already.”

“What the - why the hell would I do that, Malik?” Louis sputters as Zayn regards him with a condescending hazel stare.

“Because you like him? Why else would you go to so much trouble to carve a pumpkin?”

Louis chews his lip. Although he wouldn’t admit it, Zayn had a point. Louis had a habit of going above and beyond to impress people he found himself fancying. He wasn’t particularly good at wooing people with suave or poise like Zayn or charming people like Niall, so he usually ended up making a complete ass of himself until the person found it more endearing than annoying. Depending on how much he liked the person, it could be anything: streaking across the court with his phone number on his ass cheeks during a uni basketball game, reciting an entire Rihanna song backwards in French…

_… swearing war on a complete stranger at a pumpkin patch…_

Still, Louis is a prideful little shit, and Zayn will never let him live it down if he admits to sort of fancying Harry, so he has to put his feelings aside and do whatever it takes to steal Harry’s pride now, and heart later.

Niall stumbles by, cradling three hot apple ciders, and Louis forms an idea.

“Nialler!” He calls, and Niall jumps, sending one of the cups toppling over, leaving the ground steaming. Niall lets out an outraged cry and glares at Louis.

“What the fuck do you want, twat?” Niall shouts, attracting weird looks as he obliges to Louis waving him over. Louis smiles up at him.

“How do you feel about stealing?”

-

“You want me to what?” Niall exclaims, and Louis winces, yanking Niall down to stumble across the soil. People are still giving the duo odd looks after Niall calorie-induced outburst not too long ago, and, for once, Louis really doesn't want all the attention on him right now.

“Steal Harry’s knife so that he can't finish his pumpkin, causing him to lose and embarrass himself in front of everyone,” Louis says soothingly, evening his voice before Niall starts losing his shit again. “Honestly, Ni, it’s not that hard,” he sighs. Niall’s glassy blue eyes widen even more.

“Louis, that's against the rules! I can't do that.”

Louis narrows his eyes. “You also can't go back to work if I put those pictures from Halloween 2009 on my Facebook.”

Zayn winces as Niall’s face blanches. “Ooh, Lou, that was low,” he chides, but Louis keeps his azure stare trained on Niall’s.

“You wouldn't,” Niall spits furiously.

Louis shrugs, moving to get his phone out of his back pocket. “Let's ask the Cloud, shall we?”

Niall lets out an enraged shout - Louis really needs to look at anger management classes for him - and scrambles to his feet. “When I bring back the knife, I'm stabbing you in the face with it.” he promises before stomping off to the other side of the field. Louis sends him off wistfully.

Above the brunette, Zayn shakes his head and gives a disbelieving laugh. “We’re _definitely_ getting kicked out of this thing.”

-

Harry is really determined to beat Louis, more than he’d like to admit.

He’s usually not a competitive person, but when people as cute as him are as rude as that, it just gets under Harry’s skin. Besides, he was going to put the pumpkin to culinary use instead of letting it rot on a front porch for five weeks. He stabs another mark into his pumpkin, sighing. He really wasn’t in the wrong here.

“Yes, you were,” Liam says in a tone that sounds too similar to his mother. Harry rolls his eyes, realizing he must have been thinking out loud. “No one told you to snatch it from him.”

“No one told him to call me Martha Stewart!” Liam laughed.

“You’re so cute when you have a crush.” Harry opens his mouth to protest, but he’s interrupted by a jittery blonde who has made his way over to them.

“Hey, Niall,” Harry grins. “What are you doing here?”

Niall shrugs, avoiding eye contact. Harry frowns. “I was in the area, you know? And my pal Louis is here, so I figured I’d say hi. He said something about you.”

Harry sneers. “I'm sure it was nothing below flattering.”

Niall lets out a phony laugh, and Harry is growing more and suspicious by the minute. “Right, um,” Niall snatches the blunt carving knife out of Harry hands and scrambles away.

Harry sits there, dumbstruck, until he finally concludes that Niall was sent by Louis to steal his knife. How mature.

“Liam, can you fucking believe that? Liam!” Harry catches sight of his friend in the distance, cuddling under thin, wiry, tattooed arms. He groans.

-

Louis is about to throw his head back and cackle when he makes eye contact with Harry and his stupid, green eyes. He’s smirking, hunched forward and fingers moving meticulously around the pumpkin in front of him. Louis skin pales as he makes the connection that Harry might be McGiver after all, because _he's carving his pumpkin with his stupid sharp string necklace._

Harry smiles and waves at Louis, who sends back an equally phony grin. “Insufferable twat,” Louis mutters under his breath.

On the other side of the pumpkin patch Harry is smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. “Conniving bastard,” Harry grunts through clenched teeth. He calls Niall back over, handing him a small bottle.

He’s going to get Louis so bad.

-

Louis hears Niall return from Harry’s side of the patch before he sees him.

“Christ, Horan,” Louis says, carving another dramatic circle into his pumpkin. He winces at the product right after. “We really need to work on your mouth breathing. Don’t they have classes for this or something?”

Niall forces out a loud, obnoxious laugh, and Louis frowns up at him. He takes in how nervous the blonde is, how much he's shaking and how his eyes shift nervously. His eyes narrow suspiciously.

“What's up with you, Niall?” Niall edges down beside Louis as if he’s a caged animal, and shrugs more times than necessary.

“Me? What’s up with me? Nothing,” Niall let’s out another nervous laugh, Louis is growing more irritated and mistrustful as the small Irish lad continues to lie to him. Before he can open his mouth and curse Niall to the seventh circle of hell and back for being a terrible liar, Niall’s bright blue eyes focus intensely on Louis hands.

“Geez, mate, your hands are filthy,” Louis snorts, because no shit, he’s been fisting a pumpkin for the better part of a half an hour, and it’s messy. “You can’t accept your award for best pumpkin looking like that, can you? Have some hand sanitizer.” Louis graciously accepts the large amount of product Niall squeezes onto his hands and rubs them together eagerly.

“You know, most of the time I worry about you, Niall, but you’re a great mate.” Louis’ grin falters as he tries to pull his hands apart and fails. Niall looks closer and closer to vomiting as Louis gets angrier and angrier as his hands don’t come apart.

“Horan, you fucking wanker!” Louis screeches, and in his peripheral, he sees Harry bark out a laugh and promptly slap his hand over his mouth. “You glued my hands together, you twat! My fucking _hands_!”

Niall scrambles off as Louis struggles to his feet, stomping towards Harry. He holds the butt of his knife in his mouth as he charges towards the lanky boy, who is peering back at him fearfully.

Before he can fully reach Harry and assault him like he deserves, he feels a strong pair of hands encompass his waist and tug him off the ground. He thrashes erratically as Zayn pries the knife from in between his teeth and instructs Liam to keep Louis still.

Now that Louis’ mouth is free, he proceeds to scream insults and curses at Niall, Harry, Zayn and Liam, attracting attention of almost the entire population of the patch. Harry has apparently regained his confidence and has approached the group, yelling above Louis and flinging words at him as well. Liam chides the both of them calmly as Zayn screams at Niall for being an idiot and adding fuel to this moronic fire. Niall bites back, claiming that he was just a poor Irish bloke whose trusting personality and boyish charm was exploited  for gain. Zayn looks ready to hit him. Liam quickly loses his grip on Louis, who rips his hands apart with a painful yell and gets them loosely around Harry’s neck just as the announcer says, “Time’s up! All contestants should bring their pumpkins to the front stage immediately!”

-

After pleading with the patch security - please, we’ll leave right after the winner is announced, promise - and having both Louis and Harry physically agree not to hurt each other (Niall has the signatures on his phone), the fivesome finds themselves standing near the very front of the creaky wooden stage, surveying the other pumpkins that stood between Harry, Louis, and the claim to victory.

Louis sniffs indignantly as he looks at Harry’s poor caricature of what he thinks is Mick Jagger. He can't be sure. “Your pumpkin looks like shit,” he says shortly, and ignores how hard Zayn kicks his ankle.

Harry scowls down at Louis - who is definitely not noticing how tall he is, thank you very much - pink mouth turning down into a frown. “Your lizard isn't much better.”

Liam nudges him admonishingly, shaking his head as Niall snorts out a peal of laughter beside him.

Zayn sighs and crosses his arms. “I can't wait for both of you to lose and get together so you can both shut the absolute fuck up.” Liam giggles at that, and Harry and Louis roll their eyes.

“Alright! The winner is going to be decided by applause, so make sure to scream extra loud for the ones that you love!” The MC says excitedly, and Louis thinks it's almost comical how the entire audience is teeming with families and one odd group of obnoxious twenty somethings making it awful for everyone.

The judgement starts, and Louis is getting more and more antsy as the ominous, deciding hand nears his pumpkin. His is placed before Harry’s, and if he gets less applause, he might actually die. No, he will die.

“Alright,” the announcer said, standing over Louis’ pumpkin. “Let's hear it for the…” He trails off in confusion as he squints down at the design. Louis wants the ground to open up and swallow him. “Dog!”

Silence. Harry barks out a laugh that he covers up with his hand, Liam pats his shoulder supportively, and Zayn presses a reassuring kiss to his temple.

Harry’s amusement only lasts so long, because soon the same absence of applause is upon Harry’s “lizard”. Louis laughs so hard he knocks into Niall.

It turns out that neither one of them wins the contest, by a longshot. They turn to glare at each other for a moment, before bursting into laughter about how ridiculous the last hour or so had been,

“So,” Harry turns to Louis, green eyes sparkling and dimples on full display. “Dinner?” They say at the same time, then laugh. “No, seriously,” Louis and Harry say again, and frown.

“Knock it off, I’m trying to ask you out, you twat!” Louis cries. Harry raises an eyebrow.

“And calling me a twat is a great way to start,” he drawls, rolling his eyes. “Another thing at which I’m better than you: asking people out.”

Niall, Liam, and Zayn let out a collective groan at the fight unfolding in front of them.

Louis scoffs and fixes Harry with an azure gaze. “Judging by how tight that stick fits up your ass, I'd say you haven't been on a date in a while, Curly.” Harry gapes at him.

“I'm not a slag, anyways,” Harry says snootily, turning his nose up slightly. “I don't put out on the first date.”

Louis narrows his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. “Is that a challenge?”

Harry grins. “Maybe it is.”

Niall fakes vomiting. “Did you two just making fucking each other into a competition? What the hell is wrong with you lot?”

“Shut up, Niall.”


End file.
